Brand New Jet
As I’ve gotten older my gun-slinging attempts to abet my disquiets aim at things like spending more money than I should, eating more ice cream than tomorrow me would like, and spinning up scenarios that are unlikely candidates to ever qualify as reality. Each of these is my ‘brand new jet.’
One reservoir that fills as we age, hopefully, is our awareness that these reflexive behaviors are a pacifier. If we can see them that way, a little binky we pop into our mouths when feeling upset, it’s a bit easier to forgive ourselves for falling down the slope, as well as encourage ourselves to watch our step when we get near the edge.
This is not a linear growth. It has momentary setbacks and stumbles, some more disruptive than others. All of these serve as a means of hiding from the source. It’s OK to hide for a bit, to rest and recover. But the ‘every which way I go’ implies that I don’t stay hidden. I emerge and try again. I go forward and see what’s there for me, and what I can bring to the table. I show up, take it all in, and react honestly when it becomes too much. I retreat when necessary.
And I emerge and try again.
—
Technical notes: I recorded this as a live take in a very noise-prone apartment. Street noise, the hiss of a radiator (say it how I say it), creaking joists and beams – all signatures of a San Diego construction, in which insulation is not the name of the game. I was skeptical at what the capture would sound like but the coals were hot one night so I tracked it and was surprised to find that most of the noise I could hear pre-take didn’t peek above the music. It was a nice reinforcement to do the thing and decide after its done whether it meets the vision or not.
—
Thank you to my sister, Brigid. Whenever I have a really simple song idea, there are worries that it’s not “enough song” to be a song. She gave me the nudge to keep fleshing it out. Some song ideas need that and I’m grateful that what became brand new jet got a chance to take flight. Ty B.
Thank you to Zane Shrem-Besnoy for helping me demo an early attempt at this song. It had sat in my head for so long that I knew I needed to capture it or risk losing it and he graciously engineered a first attempt at tracking this. While I ended up re-recording the song, that exchange helped push the song along towards the finish line.
And thank you to Julius Ravelo for the borrowed chess set.